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Self-Esteem (Excerpt)

I thought I would post an excerpt from my upcoming book,

You're Already Hypnotized: A Guide to Waking Up.

I'm hiring a company to turn the manuscript into an e-book, so my best guess is that it will be available for download in a couple of months. The following excerpt is from the chapter on self-esteem.

Our self-esteem is the internal picture we hold about ourselves. Whether high or low, right or wrong, it is our honest assessment of who we are. We present that idea to the world, and the world responds accordingly, which then contributes to our internal picture. How we were raised by our authority figures, what we have experienced along the way, and how we have interpreted those experiences contribute to our self-esteem.

High self-esteem generally results in an accepting, peaceful, confident, communicative, decisive, and productive human being. Low self-esteem manifests into such negative qualities as anxiety, depression, insecurity, aggression, passivity, blame, a need to control, aloofness, indecision, defensiveness, phobias, comparing oneself to others, and seeing only the negative aspects of life, themselves, and others.....

I use a hypnotherapy process in which clients uncover their core negative thought and then we reverse it, reprogramming the opposite idea in its place. I look at the process as going in and plucking out the weeds and then planting some new seeds. Most everyone has a core negative belief stemming from unconscious guilt. Mine was “I am unlovable.” Other popular core negative thoughts are “I am bad,” “I am not good enough,” “I am unworthy,” and “I am alone.” The latter is popular among smokers; thus, they join the “tribe” of smokers so as not to be alone, they huddle together for a smoke, they feel free to approach other smokers and bum a cigarette, and that’s also why they often refer to cigarettes as their “best friend.” There are two things we do with our core negative thought:

  1. Prove that it’s true, so we won’t have to change: “See, my relationships don’t work because I am unlovable.”
  2. Overcompensate for it and pretend we’re not it: “Look at how much I do for everyone because I am lovable.”

I used to be everyone’s best friend—the shoulder to cry on in the middle of the night—often helping my friends to feel better at my expense. People would introduce me as “Cynthia, my best friend.” And I would think, “Wow, really?” Then someone else would introduce me as “Cynthia, my closest friend.” And I would think, “I am? I feel like I barely know you.” It was a lovely sentiment, to be thought of that way, but I realized I was the best friend of ten people, and I didn’t feel the way they did.

After one particularly long night consoling a friend about her absentee boyfriend, I woke up the next morning exhausted and thought, “I have so many needy people in my life.” The next thought was “No, Cynthia, they’re not the needy ones— you are the needy one. You need needy people to prove you’re lovable.” Ouch.

Unconsciously, I was using those relationships to make myself feel better under the guise of being loving. I was expending copious amounts of energy overcompensating for a negative self-thought about myself that wasn’t even true. On the conscious level, I was just trying to be a good friend, lending an ear, giving advice, but the truth is, I wasn’t really helping anyone, because I was fulfilling my own ego's desperate needs. I was not coming from my superconscious mind. And I was feeling exhausted and trapped because nothing was really changing—they were still unhappy and so was I. When we come from ego, we can never truly know what we or anyone else needs in any situation.

I healed the thought that I was unlovable through hypnotherapy, and something interesting happened—those best friends disappeared. There were no heated confrontations. The relationships just fell away.

When we de-hypnotize ourselves of the core negative ideas we’ve been carrying around, we begin to live in accordance with a higher purpose, and those who are meant to join us on that journey will be there. We no longer look outside of ourselves for validation. We look within, where our true source of acceptance and strength lies. High self-esteem comes from a mind aligned with a higher source. Low self-esteem comes from a very low source—fear.

The book goes on to guide you on how to uncover your core negative self thought and heal it. I've also included tips, 30 daily reprogramming statements, and self-hypnosis exercises to build your self-esteem. I hope you'll check it out when it's available.